At Last I’m Found

Hello My Love,

Isn’t it funny how we ask God things over and over, but He has his perfect timing for things to be revealed? For years I have asked God to show me what my purpose is. I know you remember how “adrift” I felt at times over the past 10 years. I have always been a curious soul and so I questioned what the purpose of this life is. Of course the answer was always with God, but I just didn’t have the foresight to understand it back then.

And then you joined the Lord in heaven.

For the past 42 days since your soul returned to the Lord life has changed completely. This morning I was getting ready for the day and reflecting on the quote by Pastor Rick Warren which was the daily quote on my Glorify app.

No longer do I ask God, “what is my purpose, Lord?”. I know what my purpose is now. You see, that first week after your earthly passing I confess that I wasn’t sure if I was strong enough to carry on. I felt like the life was sucked out of my body. I felt unable to do even the tiniest things. Just taking a shower felt like a goal to try and achieve. I remember Googling, “what do you do if all you want is to leave this earth and join God in heaven?”. Tears were spilling down my cheeks as I read answers on Quora submitted by other people. And then I came across this answer:

J Gallmeyer

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Bible researcher, Mother to two cats, Bookworm, Accounting 3y

No, it’s not bad to want to leave this world and go to Heaven. Many of us do. It is because we believe that Heaven is a wonderful place to be. No more fears, no more tears, etc. No stress. Only happiness and love, no more nights. God will be our light. But we NEED to stay in this world until God calls us out of it. He has reasons. Very good reasons for you to be here. He has a job for you to do on Earth. He has happy times for you here and He wants you to enjoy them. You will also have sad times here too and hard times. But He sees to it that you have these times because that is how you are going to grow into the person God wants you to be before He calls you home. Rejoice in the good times rejoice in the hard times because when these times happen you will know God is changing you. We all have good times we all have hard times we all have sad times. Good times don’t always last but neither do hard or sad times. Every day is new. Another day to worship the God we love right here on Earth and another day closer to the day we worship Him in Heaven. Enjoy the life He has given you to live here. That is what He wants for you.

This answer saved me. I sat there and thought, “Huh… the Lord still has a purpose for me which is why I’m still here”. Then, I began to think about what that purpose might be. This is what I’ve surmised. My purpose is to care for our daughter and give her the best life possible. My purpose is to glorify His name and worship Christ with all of me. My purpose is to connect with you, my deepest love, and to date you each and every earthly day until one day we are reunited again in Heaven. My purpose is to be a good person…. a kind and patient person…. putting that energy into the universe so that the world is a slightly kinder place for everyone. My purpose is to marvel at this beautiful planet that the Lord created for all of us, and to care for it as best that I can. My purpose is to use my career to help people and to do it in the Lord’s name, because above all we should give and receive love.

So, that is what I’m going to do. That is what I’m trying to do already. I love dating you, my love. I know things are only going to get better as time goes on. Already I feel so much more comfortable meditating so that I can connect and listen to you. I love that I have two alarms on my phone now to remind me of taking time for morning and evening prayer time. Spending time in prayer helps to center and soothe my spirit. This is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever had to walk through in life. But, I just try to keep my eyes trained on God and give my fears to Him. I try to focus on dating and speaking to you as I’m walking (ever so slowly) towards you and the Lord. And I try to be the best mom I can be to our kiddo. Is it a lot? Of course. But, I know that God never gives us more than we can handle.

I’ve found my purpose now and it is in that purpose that I will place my actions and my life. I love you, hubby… now and forever.

Forever yours,

Wifey XOXOXO