Time is fleeting. No one is ever guarantied enough time. I was reading a book called “My Wynter Season” recently, (from a fellow widow), and he wrote the line: “… but the love between my wife and I is eternal. And I realized after I had lost her that our relationship didn’t end. The earthly chapter had ended, and a new chapter had begun”. That’s exactly how I feel about my husband and I. Our love is eternal. For 10 magical years we were here together on earth. Now he waits for me in heaven where I will return to him one day. Until then, we are in the next chapter of our story.
I’d like to call this chapter: The Transitionary Time.
This is the time in between here and there where we are together, but a thin veil separates us from one another. There are times when my husband’s presence is so near and I can feel his warmth. There are other times when the depression sinks into my bones and he feels so far away (even though I know he never leaves me). Ultimately, we are all mortal, and so each passing day is one more step towards reuniting with my love. That said, in another book I purchased recently called, “What to Do When Your Soulmate Dies”, Dr. Alan Wolfelt suggests that we mourn heroically just as much as we celebrated our love as intensely. For me, I know that my husband is still with me. Therefore, I choose to grieve with the purpose of dating him still… even if in non-traditional ways. This is my “heroic” way of honoring our love. I choose to date my husband, even after his earthly passing, because I am forever a wife… not a widow. <3
Last night I had a movie date with my husband. Our little trio of a family always loved to pile in the living room together and watch movies. It has been our favorite thing to do for years. So, last night it felt like “old times” when my daughter and I flopped on the bed, turned on the TV, and I spoke aloud to my husband: “Come hold me, handsome”. I know he became my big spoon in that moment. We decided to kick things off with the movie, “Extinct” (on Netflix U.S.) because animated movies are always a good, lighthearted choice.
The movie is about a quirky group of species called the flummels. They are donut-looking cats who live on an island of flowers. Op and Ed are the main characters who always seem to get into mischief when the rest of the flummels fall in line and do their jobs. It’s a sweet, heartfelt story about standing out and embracing your own person. I highly recommend it.
Then we wrapped up the night with the deeper movie, “Up in the Air” (Netflix U.S.) starring George Clooney and Anna Kendrick. In the movie, the duo work for a company who is a third party company designed to help fire corporate workers so the bosses don’t have to. Anna Kendrick is the new employee, fresh out of college, and winds up at the job after following a boy to Omaha, Nebraska (only to be broken up with shortly thereafter). She hates the job and feels awful being responsible for seeing people miserable day after day as she has to break the news to them about being terminated from their company. George Clooney is the veteran worker who discovers that somewhere over the many miles flown around the country year after year…. he missed out on embracing life and time. It’s a deep movie with plenty of food for thought to ponder afterwards. The star-studded duo make for great on-screen dynamics and it’s definitely a movie you don’t want to miss.
Dating your spouse from heaven isn’t easy. I’m not going to sit here and sugar-coat anything to you all. You’re going to feel lonely much of the time. You’re going to miss their touch with every fiber of your being. You’re going to wish you could date how you used to, and each day without them is a stark reminder that nothing is the same anymore. But… I’m a person who is determined to find one single ray of hope.
My hope is that this time right now is a lesson for my daughter to see. Her Daddy and I love each other so fiercely and intensely that even physical death can’t stop our love. We date non-traditionally because I know he is here with us. I know he laughed at the quirky flummels and nodded along with me at the importance of savoring time. I want her to see that sometimes in life things will completely upend your life in the blink of an eye. Sometimes you can stop it, and other times you can’t. But, if you can’t…. you can choose to pivot and do what you can to make things not-as-painful.
I will have all of eternity to rest in the arms of my love one day. For now, we will date, dance, and soak up time. Have a wonderful night everyone. x